Mom Vision

I booked the family’s annual eye exams – and when we saw our optometrist, I asked her to explain why my eyes work so differently than the rest of my family. She laughed and handed me a pamphlet on Mom Vision.

Apparently something happens to our eyes when we have children. It’s like our super power. It’s not a fun super power like flying or super speed. Now those would be useful. No, it’s more of a bummer super power, actually the top of the pile of rejected super powers in my personal opinion.

Mom vision is that uncanny ability we have to see things that are right in front of us. Not only the ability to see things that are there, but the ability to see the things your kids are doing behind you.

I’d first realized I was experiencing vision issues when I’d look at my kids’ messy rooms and tell them to clean up, only to hear “Mom, they’re clean!” How can they see a clean room when I can see dirty clothes on the floor, toys on every surface and a hoarder’s supply of gum wrappers behind one of the beds. (Seriously, I don’t recall even buying that gum.)

How, when we are looking at the same room, do they not see the mess – but I do?

Mom vision.

How can we go to the same bathroom and they don’t see the empty toilet paper roll that needs changing – but I do?

How come they have to ask where the orange juice is, and can’t see it on the middle shelf of the fridge where it always is?

Mom vision.

Mom vision enables us to see the dirt on their favourite shirt even when they put it on and think it’s fine to wear. It enables us to see their beds are not made. Mom vision is why we’re telling them to wash their hands all the time – how do they not see when their hands are covered in mud or paint or spaghetti sauce???

The pamphlet on Mom vision was very helpful. If you have any of the above-mentioned challenges, you’ve got mom vision. The pamphlet described varying degrees of mom vision.

I have a severe case.

For example, I’m able to tell one of my boys not to touch the other, just mere seconds before he does – even without watching him! I’m able to say “Put that down right now!” without turning around and actually getting a visual of my little darling trying to abscond with my iPhone. When my mom used to do that to me I’d wonder if she really did have eyes in the back of her head. And then, with the arrival of my first child, my mom vision came in.

The bad news is that there is no cure for Mom vision. The good news is, it may become less prominent over time. It seems to linger for the first 15 to 20 years of your child’s life, though it does tend to improve significantly when your child moves out on their own.

The pamphlet does warn, in the fine print, that the time period is per child, and restarts with every new member of the family. It also warns that some spouses and neighbourhood kids may cause symptoms to worsen significantly.

Temporary relief may be found by ingesting wine, utilizing the services of a babysitter or treatments at the spa. It is not recommended to use Mom vision in other people’s homes or on other people’s children, though it may be necessary to explain the findings of your Mom vision to your children several times for best results.